Unbelievable. (part one)

"Can you believe it?"

Have you ever found yourself in a situation that you simply couldn't believe?

That's where I am right now. 

Sitting at the computer with my fingers resting on the keyboard, trying to figure out exactly what I should say to describe the past few months to you. 

Let me start at the beginning. 

Last October I attended a ministry conference with some of the people in my church. It was a one day conference with a wide selection of workshops to choose from. About half-way through the day I started to feel lousy. I knew I was getting sick. With three out of four workshops finished I was ready to call it quits and go curl up in the car and wait for everyone else. 

But instead, I began wandering the halls of a huge, unfamiliar church looking for my next workshop selection. 

I couldn't find it. I guess I'm not too great at reading maps. Anyways, everyone else was already where they needed to be and I knew that I needed to figure something out or I would look really dumb walking into class late (I have my pride to think of, after all). So, I made a bee-line for the nearest door and found a seat in the back of the room.

I ended up in a workshop from a ministry called Youth Missions International (YMI). A ministry that sent young adults (teens and college students) on short term mission trips all over the world. The workshop was an introduction to the ministry as well as 2012 trip opportunities.

"Oh great." I thought. 

I just wasted my last workshop on something that I can't even use!

Within the first ten minutes of the workshop I decided two things:

1. It would not be possible (for various reasons) for me to join a team and go on a short term missions trip during the summer of 2012.

2. Even if it was possible, I didn't want to go with an organization I knew nothing about. I'd rather go visit a missionary I already knew, with people I was already acquainted with (like my Youth Group).

...

Have you ever tried to limit God?

For the remainder of the workshop I had an internal argument discussion with God.

"I've been away from home two summers in a row! I can't commit another summer to being gone. I need to spend this summer at home." 

"Three thousand dollars is a lot of money. Not that You couldn't do it, Lord...But with the economy the way it is... Is it worth it for such a short mission trip?"

"I'm too busy to spend the next six months preparing for a trip, and completing required assignments. My plate is already too full!"

"My parents are not going to let me do this."

"I don't want to go."

In all honesty, I have no clue why I was so opposed to the idea of going on a mission trip with YMI. In fact, that's a little out of character for me. For two years now I have had the idea of going on a short term mission trip in my head. I did want to go on one eventually. But I had no intention of seeking one out at the time. 

By the end of the workshop I had come to these two conclusions:

1. Youth Missions International did look like a good ministry.

2. I would mention it to my parents and see what their reaction was.

When I stood up to leave I didn't talk to anyone from YMI nor did I take any of their materials with me, I just left. I figured I might look up their website later, depending on what my parents thought.

During the 3 minute walk back to the main auditorium God began to open my mind and heart to allowing Him to tell me what to do. 

God is so gracious. 

I did get sick that night and was in bed for four days trying to get well so I could resume my life. 

And I did mention YMI to my parents. They told me to get as much information as I could and to pray about it. They also told me that no, they weren't too crazy about the idea.

I did look up YMI's website. 

And I prayed. 

My parents looked it up.

And they prayed.

I presented it to my church family. 

And they prayed. 

A little over a week later, I found myself filling out an application to join a YMI team for a 2012 mission trip. 

Two days later, I was accepted. The only details I had were that my trip location would be somewhere in Asia, the financial need was around $3,300, and I would be working with children. I would meet my team and learn more details at the 5-day training camp I was required to attend. 

6 days passed quickly. 

But on Tuesday, the day before the training camp, my Grandma Ruth, who had been living with us for three years, was admitted to the emergency room.
3am Wednesday morning, the day I was to leave for the training camp, she passed away. ("It's unexpected")

I remember sitting in my Grandma's room at 6am, staring at the wall. Reeling from the death of a woman that I dearly loved.  In 10 hours I was supposed to leave for a mission trip training. All I could think was, "God, I can't go to this training. I need to be here right now with my family. I can't do this."

I had to make a decision. 

The Lord ministered to me throughout the day, and made it clear that I needed to go to the training. He wanted me there. So that evening I found myself in a group of strangers, mentally exhausted and emotionally raw, with fresh grief hiding just below the surface. 

The training was amazing. I met my team; an incredible group of 10 young people that burned with a passion to serve Jesus and a desire to be molded into His image. I also met my team leaders, a married couple that expressed the love of Christ so clearly that it impacted me in ways I can't describe. It was exactly what I needed. Jesus continued to speak to my heart all throughout week. It was definitely a time of stretching. Someone once told me that you have to be stretched in order to grow, and you have to step outside your comfort zone to be stretched. (That would involve being uncomfortable!)

We ditched our comfort zones within the first 24 hours of training camp.

I learned a lot about cultural differences, functioning as a team, sharing the gospel,  and falling more in love with my Savior. And that's just the beginning. Needless to say, I was totally unprepared for what God did that week. 

...

Have you ever tried to limit God to a level of predictability?

He is so awesome!

It's been months since the training. 

Between school, church activities, and life, I've been preparing for a mission trip and growing closer to Jesus every step of the way. 

I will be gone again this summer, but my summer belongs to God. However He chooses to use it, is fine with me.

Finances? Last night I received my final contribution. My funds are currently at $3,300, even though the fund-raising schedule set by YMI says I should expect to have only $1,650 by now. Money is not a problem for my Creator. 

Those assignments I was worried about? God has provided for every detail and helped me meet every deadline. 

And my parents? They're my biggest supporters.

Best of all, God has encouraged me and given me an abundance of joy! I'm excited! 

I'm going to Indonesia this summer! Can you believe it?

How cool is that?

_________________________________________________

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.”

-Acts 1:8

(YMI's cornerstone verse)

__________________________________________

NOTE: If you would like more information on my trip, and the process the Lord has been leading me through please comment below and let me know! I send out updates via mail or email every month.  

Beautiful Romance

What's it like to be in love?

I'd like to clear something up.


There is a terrible misconception about me.


I've been told that I'm religious.


I'm not. 


I've been told that I'm too churchy.


I'm not. 


I've been told that I talk about Jesus too much.


I don't. 


I don't talk about him enough.

I don't have the self discipline to be religious, there are days when I really don't want to go to church, and I definitely don't talk about Jesus as much as I should.


I am a Christian.


There is a terrible misconception about me.


I believe there is a terrible misconception about Christianity.


Religious? Intolerant? Pushy? Hypocritical? Self Righteous?


These descriptions grieve me. But I'd have to admit that I've met people that call themselves "Christians" that would fit the stereotypes above. Sadly, these people that call themselves "Christians" are even more clueless then the ones who have invented the stereotypes. After all, simply labeling yourself a Christian does not make you one any more than calling yourself a horse gives you four legs, a mane, and a tail.


But even true followers of Christ have their faults, and you don't ever have to look that hard to find them.


But I would suggest that there is much more to Christians than faults and failures.
I should know, I am one.


And if there was just one thing I could tell you about myself, I would tell you this:


I'm in love.


I'm in love with Jesus.


The Jesus Christ from the Bible that claimed to be the son of God. The one the religious leaders hated, the one the Romans scorned, the one the disciples loved, the One who allowed His creation to nail him to a tree.


That Jesus.


He loves me.


I cannot comprehend why the almighty God of the universe would take on the form of a man to become my Savior. To hurt for me. To weep for me. To die for me.


Why? 
Why would He choose to rescue a filthy and unworthy sinner like me? I am not good enough for Him! He is the perfect Creator, and I am nothing but His marred creation. Why?


Because He loves me.


Some people think I'm too obsessed with my "religion". But if that's what they think, they've entirely missed the very essence of my faith. I'm not obsessed with my "religion", I'm obsessed with Jesus!


I'm in love with Jesus.


When you are head over heels, passionately and wonderfully in love with someone, you just can't keep it to yourself. You have to tell someone!


If you had a death sentence hanging over your head, and the Judge pardoned you with his own blood and then wanted to protect you, teach you, and shape you into something beautiful, wouldn't it change your life?


What if He, after saving your life, wanted to have an intimate relationship with you? To get to know you? Would you be able to keep it a secret?


That's what Jesus has done for me. I can't keep it a secret! Why would I?


The Creator of the world has offered me a personal relationship with him and I have accepted. It's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
The more I get to know Him, the more I fall in love. The more I learn about Him the more wonderful He is to me.


If I could only make you understand! But I can't! See, if you've never met Jesus, I guess I look kind of stupid.


He's my lifeline, my everything. He isn't just a hobby, he's my whole life. Yes, I still make mistakes. Yes, I still struggle with sin. But it isn't about me, it's about Him. That's the best part! It doesn't matter who I am, or what I've done, or how good or bad I think I am. That's not what my faith is about.


It's about loving Jesus.


Loving him enough to look like a fool.


Loving him enough to take up my cross and follow him.


Loving him enough to sacrifice everything for His sake.


It's all worth it because He loves me!


But how can I put that into words?


How do you explain what it's like to be in love?


How can I tell you that when I say I'm a Christian, I mean it! I'm a follower of Christ. His beloved!


It isn't about religion. Christianity has never been about religion.


It's a Beautiful Romance.


But how can I show you that?

.

.

.

.

.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."

-John 3:16

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

-Zephaniah 3:17

"And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent."

-John 17:3

"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ"

-Philippians 3:8

"nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord"

-Romans 8:39

This is what the Lord says:

“Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom

or the strong man boast of his strength

or the rich man boast of his riches,

but let him who boasts boast about this:

that he understands and knows me,

that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness,

justice and righteousness on earth,

for in these I delight,”

-Jeremiah 9:23-24

It's unexpected.

Are you ready?

"Joanna, wake up."

I looked at my alarm clock and blinked. It was 5:30am, Wednesday morning.

"I have some sad news."

Silence.

"Grandma died."

"Jer, you had a bad dream" I croaked. "Go back to bed."

It took a minute, but after the fog in my tired brain cleared, what my 9 year old brother had said, finally registered.

Grandma died? 

Saturday had been my Grandmother's 92nd birthday. She had been living with us for almost 3 years and had become a very big, and wonderful part of my family's life. 

We celebrated Grandma Ruth's birthday Monday night at a restaurant in town. She ate her favorite meal, followed by a homemade pecan pie. She was lively, animated, witty and joyful. She stayed up late that night enjoying the company of my parents and sharing stories of her early life. Grandma was at the top of her game.

But Tuesday morning was very different. She was not her cheerful self. The first thing she said that morning was a grumpy "Shutup" to her loud and sometimes annoying room-mate, the bird. As the morning progressed my parents quickly realized that something was very wrong. By afternoon my Grandma had been admitted to the emergency room, and was struggling to breathe. 

When I went to bed late Tuesday night, she was doing much better and my last thought was a prayer for my Grandma's health, as I drifted to sleep.

I was not prepared for what I woke up to the very next day. Maybe I hadn't realized how serious the situation was when she went into the hospital the day before. Maybe I had just denied it. 

Grandma's death was unexpected. 

If you had told me on Saturday that my Grandma would pass away within a matter of days I wouldn't have believed you.

For a 92 year old with Alzheimer's that has lived a long, full life it is a little easier to say goodbye. But not everyone lives to be 92 years old. Last week a woman just a little older than my mother died as a result of a long and hard battle with breast cancer. A few months ago a 27 year old family friend passed away with absolutely no warning. One day here and the next, gone.

Death is unexpected.

For family and friends, letting go is painfully hard. Death is not pleasant. Death is very real, and not as uncommon as we would wish it to be.

We live in a broken world. See all the pain? The suffering? The persecution? The evil?

Something is very wrong. 

We are not made for this world. It's ruined. Ruined with our sin. It goes all the way back to the very first man and woman, and their decision to disobey their creator, God. Everyday we continue that decision of rebellion that they started in the Garden of Eden. 

God knew that we would choose to turn away from Him. He knew that His perfect creation would be destroyed by the sin that we chose. God did not create a broken world full of sin, but he did have a plan when we messed it up with our selfishness. He sent his son, Jesus to die.

"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." 

-Romans 6:23

The wages of sin is death. 

Sin has a big price tag. The death that verse is referring to is not simply physical death. The "death" here is speaking of eternal separation from God. Forever. That place of separation is hell. Since we have all rebelled against the righteous God of the universe we all deserve death. 

But when Jesus died he payed the required penalty of sin so that you and I could have the opportunity to live with Him forever, in the perfect place that we were created for! 

However, if we do not choose to accept that gift of eternal life we will be accountable for paying the price of sin ourselves.

My Grandma loved Jesus. The two women that I mentioned above also loved Jesus. Because all three of them made the the choice to put their trust and faith in Him to save them from their sins I have confidence that I will see them again someday. The reason I have that confidence is because I too have put my trust in Christ, giving me access to eternal life with Him in heaven. 

Death is unexpected. 

We don't know when our time on this earth will be over. 

Are you ready to die?

You could die next week. You could die tomorrow. You could die today.

Are you ready?

I could die within the next 5 minutes, I could die in 50 years. I don't know when I'll die. But I do know that I'm ready, whenever that day comes.

I rejoice for my Grandma! She has graduated from this broken world and is with her Savior in Heaven! She is finally home.

I cry, because I miss her sweet smile. I hurt, because death is painful. But I rejoice! I look forward to the day when I will be reunited with her. 

But much more than that, my soul longs to see the face of Jesus Christ, my Savior and the love of my life.

I miss you, Grandma. But mostly I'm just jealous. I want to go home too!

"But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body."
Philippians 3:20-21


"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far..."
Philippians 1:21-23


"...admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them."
Hebrews 11:13-16

“Where, O death, is your victory? 

   Where, O death, is your sting?”

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

-1 Corinthians 15:55-57

Here we go again...

"I want you off that foot for one week. If it isn't improving I want you back for x-rays. No more bucking bales or anything like that, ok?"

I nodded, but in my head I'm thinking "Yeah, right. That's so not happening."

I was in the middle of a week of teaching 5-day clubs and the following week I would be working at the Fair in the CEF booth. I was incredibly busy, with the end of my summer all laid out and packed full of things I needed to do and commitments I had to fill.

I left the doctor's office discouraged, but determined. There was no way I was going to just throw all of my plans out the window because of a stupid sprained foot. My clumsiness wasn't about to slow me down!

So, for the most part it didn't. I continued on as usual, making a small effort to stay off of my foot and still manage everything I had planned.

The doctor called back in a week to see how "Gimpy" was doing (I was doing just fine, thank you very much.) and my mom informed her that I needed another week to rest it because I hadn't managed the whole "I want you off that foot" very well at all.

The following week flew by and like the good girl that I am I did exactly what the doctor said. Ok, not exactly. Not at all actually. I headed back to Shiloh Bible Camp for a week to work on the dish-crew for a rental. I had a blast and God blessed me in some big ways but unfortunately when I got home my foot was waving the white flag of defeat and I realized that continuing to shoot it wouldn't help me very much in the long run.

Frustrated and exhausted, I resigned myself to a recliner, an ice pack, and an ace bandage.

I am notorious for sprained ankles. In fact, this summer when I sprained BOTH ankles at camp (in one week no less) I knew I'd never hear the end of it. It just so happens that the previous summer, during the last week of camp I gracefully tripped over some invisible object and sprained my ankle. Hilarious, right?  Someone has a mean sense of humor.

If you know me, you know that I hate sitting around and doing nothing. I hate it with a passion. It drives me crazy. I am the happiest when I am busy doing one thing and looking forward to the next, and so the prospect of only being allowed to do things that can be accomplished sitting down was devastating.

Ok, maybe that's a little dramatic. But I was not looking forward to it!

The doctor ordered x-rays and the results were: "No, your foot is not broken. Yes, you need to wrap it in an ace bandage and stay off of it."

These have been two very long weeks of doing close to nothing, and I must admit, I have had a ridiculously horrible attitude towards God.

Hello God,

Did you know that I could accomplish much more for you if you would just heal my foot? Just saying.

Sincerely,

Me.

Dear God,

There can't possibly be any good coming out of this, can there? I mean, it's just a little bitty sore foot. No big deal, right? Could you fix it?!? Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?

-Yours Truly

Hey there God,

I'm really really really sick of this. Can I be done now?

This is dumb.

Sincerely,

Me.

Like a spoiled little brat I've been sitting around complaining to my Savior about how I have to rest and let an injury heal.

I, the daughter of the King have been complaining about a sprained ankle when my brothers and sisters are struggling in much bigger ways! Fighting the battle against cancer, standing their ground in a broken home, taking persecution for the name of Jesus Christ, the list goes on.

Ashamed? Yeah. What happened to trusting Him and having joy in tough situations? A sprained ankle isn't even a very big trial! And I flunked it. Praise God, He offers second chances. I'm ready to take the one He is offering.

Dear Jesus,

I'm so sorry.

I was too busy wallowing in my selfishness to ask you "How can you use me through this?"

Please forgive me.

Help me use this opportunity that you have given me to bring glory to your name.

Love,

Me

Thank God for ace bandages and ice packs ;)

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

-1 Thessalonians 5:18

"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."

-1 Corinthians 10:31

Everyday!

Home sweet Home :)

After FOUR long, incredible weeks at Shiloh Bible Camp I'm finally home!!! Did you miss me? :)

I don't know how I can describe to you exactly what happened during that time, it would take much too long and I'm sure half of it wouldn't make any sense. You just had to have been there! I suppose I could just sum it up by saying this:

God works in amazing ways.

There you go. That's my camp experience, summed up into one sentence. 

For the first three weeks I participated in the CIT program. For those of you who don't know what that is, here is the description given by the camp:

"(CIT)  is a three-week discipleship program that is designed to help high school students, ages 15-18,  grow in their love and devotion to God, and to learn how to serve God by serving others.  This is accomplished by daily Bible study and prayer times (individual and group), training, daily work projects (cleaning, woodcutting, trail prep, painting, etc.), and other acts of service."

Basically, we worked hard, played hard, prayed hard and studied hard. In the process we also grew spiritually in ways none of us thought possible.

The camp's theme this summer was "Knowing Jesus Through the Eyes of John" so our CIT group studied the book of John in the Bible. Wow. Good stuff. Go read John, right now.

One of the things that I loved the most was all the prayer time we got to have. I was convicted about how much time I actually spend in prayer at home. During CIT we had a group prayer meeting and then our own special time set aside to go be alone with Jesus. Oh how I loved that! 

We had an incredible group of teens that were on fire for the Lord. The fellowship was so sweet! I loved every moment. I think that is what I will miss the most, the Christian fellowship was amazing! I had other brothers and sisters in Christ with the same mindset to encourage me, keep me accountable and worship the Lord with me! 

God is good.

In one of my last posts before I left I said that I felt like I had "Construction Zone tape all over my heart" and that God had been working on me in ways I hadn't thought possible. Well guess what? He's not done yet!    

He's working on me but I'm not finished yet! Praise Jesus!  I won't even try to list all the things He changed in my heart during that 3 weeks.  I couldn't! 

But I will share with you one of the biggest things that I'm learning. Here it is: I belong to Jesus. He bought me with His precious blood and I am His. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) Completely and totally His.

Every moment of every single day belongs to Him. Without Him I am nothing. Do I spend my time in a way that is honoring to Him?  

Every morning when I wake up do I start my day asking "How can I serve you today Jesus? How can you use me? What can you teach me?" 

I should.

It's sobering how many minutes, how many hours, how many days and weeks of my life I WASTE by being distracted by the things of this world and not setting my eyes on Christ, the Author and perfecter of my faith. (Hebrews 12:2)

In one of my first blog posts I wrote about distractions in the Christian walk. Ouch. Where is my eternal perspective? Where is my focus every day? What is my attitude? What does my heart look like?

I want to be so completely and totally abandoned to Christ and His will that if you took Him out of my life I would have nothing left.

Jesus is the only reason I am alive. The only reason I am who I am. The only reason I don't have "GUILTY" written on my forehead! The only reason I no longer bear the burden and label of "SINNER". Christians, if your life isn't completely consumed by the cross, by Jesus Christ, then what is it consumed by? What's holding you back? Is it worth it? 

The gospel of Jesus Christ is the only thing worth living for. I was reminded of that again at camp. It's reminder we all need every single day.

We are here on earth to glorify and honor the God of the Universe. Everyday our lives should point others to the cross. Every moment.

When you reach the end of your life, which could be at any given moment, and you look back what will you see? Will you have taken every opportunity to praise, serve, glorify and honor God? Or will you have wasted   countless minutes, hours, days of your life on things of this world that don't matter in the end?

The fourth week of camp was High School Camp. The theme was "Don't Waste Your Life"

I'll be returning to camp on Sunday for my fifth and final week at SBC this summer. It's Girls Camp (3rd-6th grade) and I get to be a cabin leader! :) When I come back I will start doing 5 day clubs through CEF, I would so appreciate your prayers. God has lots more in store for me this summer and I can't wait to see it unfold :)

The God that we serve is amazing! Amen? He deserves ever breath from you in this life, every second of your time. It's what your made for! Don't Waste Your Life! 

Praise Jesus, tomorrow is a new day!

~JOanna

Hebrews 11

Mark:8:34-38

Romans 12:2

Philippians 1:21 

Philippians 2:14-17

Colossians 1:10

Ephesians 5:15-17 

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose" -Jim Elliot